Every couple wants a unique wedding ceremony. This Noodly Couple has graciously allowed us to share their ceremony (except the very personal vows bit). This is NOT ‘standard’ – there is no ‘standard’ but this is illustrative.
Welcome to the nuptial noodle knotting of Bucatini and Cappelletti.
We’re here to witness them make a commitment to be giant dorks together, yar?
A long time ago, the Great Flying Spaghetti Monster created everything. Bucatini and Cappelletti aren’t convinced this happened, but it sounds as plausible a theory as anything, and much more fun. No one was around to see how or exactly when this was done, but we’re here so it could well have happened.
Twas pirates, the first humans, peace-loving explorers, feasting on pasta and tasty beverages, the first Pastafarians that spread the word about the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
There be but one Prime Directive for our Church – that be to maximise the well-being of all sentients. So enjoy your life! Be kind-hearted to yourself and others.
Pastafarians embrace scepticism – we think it right to challenge the dubious claims and outright falsehoods that so many people foist on us, whether it be for profit or fer getting us to do what they want. Practiced diligently, scepticism could improve our world overnight. The Flying Spaghetti Monster gave us science to bring us out of the darkness. A wise Pastafarian said, “That many of us don’t literally believe our own superstitions, or in the existence of our own God is evidence that we’re thinking.” YARRRRR!
The Church encourages indulging in sensual pleasures. We feast without guilt on pastas, sauces, tasty beverages, whatever we like and we do it mindfully – slowly, with Mateys, with family, with strangers, with good music, and without. We practice an attitude of gratitude for our daily pasta and we love to share with those who have not as much pasta, they may have some tasty beverage to donate to the feast.
Bucatini and Cappelletti will now each say something heartfelt and loving to each other, with some in-jokes and private references.
Do you Bucatini Small Hat take Cappelletti Hollow Spaghetti as your legal wedded partner?
Bucatini: I do!
Do you Cappelletti Hollow Spaghetti take Bucatini Small Hat as your legal wedded partner?
Cappelletti: I do!
The exchanging of $30 spaghetti Bolognese rings will be a public sign of the heartfelt commitment that each of you feels and makes toward the other, and an acknowledgement of your shared sense of humour and appreciation of budget gifts handmade in Israel.
By the powers invested in me by the New Zealand government and the Flying Spaghetti Monster, I now pronounce you Etti-tini wedded Partners! You may now slurp the noodle of love.
I declare Etti-tini knotted in connubial bliss.
Now go forth into the world with a view to doing what you can in your own small ways to increase the wellbeing of all sentient life. In the wise words of pirate-astronomer Carl Sagan: For small creatures such as we, the vastness is bearable only through love. The end.
Thanks for being here, time for the pasta feast!