The prime directive: maximise the well-being of all sentient beings
No crazy nonsense
Pastafarians reject crazy nonsense. Crazy nonsense includes all religious and cultural superstitions that don’t maximise the wellbeing of the individuals and aren’t backed by science. Crazy nonsense examples include: cutting off anatomical parts, dietary restrictions, required clothing standards, prayers, required participation or attendance in any rituals, prohibiting same-gender love, arranged marriages, taboos around natural bodily functions, refusing to donate organs after death, exorcisms, handling venomous snakes, prostrating to designated beings or symbols, etc.
The colander is our official headgear and pirate fashion is our official garb – but we would never judge you for choosing to wear it or choosing not to wear it. It should be your choice when any other religion or culture is given the special privilege to wear their symbols in the same circumstances.
Enjoy your life
There is no promise of an afterlife – sorry but that’s not supported by any evidence. So the good news is there is no hell, purgatory, limbo, reincarnation, or any other fantastical afterlife. FSM does not pretend or promise a fantasy heaven – no stripper factories, beer volcanoes, no virgins waiting to be your slaves, no pearly gates, no hanging out with your favourite super power, no angels. Not going to happen.
Make your own life purpose – don’t rely on imaginary super powers or an imaginary afterlife to give meaning to your one and only present life.
Be nice to yourself and all sentient beings
Compassion makes the universe a better place for you and everyone.
The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is working toward gaining popular and government recognition that all sentient beings of New Zealand, and the entire universe are owed the same levels of consideration, respect, and support for the same conditions, regardless of:
- spiritual beliefs
- sexual preferences and orientation
- ethnic origin
- genetic modification
- make-up or origin
- date of arriving on New Zealand’s shores (we are all immigrants)
- abilities and disabilities
- relationship and marital status
- employment status.
We believe there should be no discrimination nor any special privilege for religious, cultural or political beliefs.
The Church understands and accepts that involuntary and unrelenting bodily pain is the opposite of well-being and this condition must be faced with compassion and science. The Church is therefore committed to respecting Sentient Beings right to assisted death with dignity when their pain is unable to be relieved without loss of self (i.e., drugged to oblivion) and their quality of life is unbearable. If you would euthanize a horse, dog, cat, whale, whatever for this level of suffering, why would you deny this to a human being?
Mindful eating and feasting
The Church encourages indulging in sensual pleasures, joy and happiness in the traditions of Epicureans. We feast without guilt on pastas, sauces, tasty beverages, whatever we like and we do it mindfully – slowly, with friends and family, with strangers, with good music, and without. We practice an attitude of gratitude for our daily pasta and love to share with those who have not as much pasta.
Judicious use of natural substances
The Church supports judicious imbibing in the spiritual use of all natural flora, foods and fermented beverages for Sacramental purposes as these substances – used judiciously and reverently, open sentient beings’ minds to the universal truths of love, peace, freedom and happiness. Natural substances do not include animal tranquilizers, artificial highs and processed chemicals that are associated with increased violence. The Church is aware that over-indulgence and addiction to any substance associated with violent actions under the influence (like alcohol) is not judicious and is therefore not supported.
The FSM gave us science to bring us out of the darkness. The Church is committed to robust science-based evidence to counter superstition, mysticism and all forms of irrational dogma and prescription.
No tithing, no calls for financial investments to buy your way into the FSM’s good graces
The Church rejects materialism. We do not support gold temples or fancy buildings, no fancy candlesticks, no amassing wealth by the Church and its representatives, no salaries paid to Church workers – we are volunteers. You don’t have to show you are devoted by emptying your pockets into the Church’s pockets.If you want to donate, great.
If you are so moved, you can help by:
- inspiring sentient beings to reach their full potential (parades with floats of the FSM are good, parties are good too);
- working cooperatively with others to promote constructive ethics and rational, critical thinking (parties, fund-raising activities, debates, public works of art);
- maintaining the highest standards of integrity and trustworthiness;
- actively resisting and working to abolish hatred, violence, waste, and fraud and harm toward all living beings (challenge those put-downs and ‘jokes’ that make fun of sentient beings for who they are);
- activities, and financial status from the state; all religions and cultures should be treated the same as other not-for-profit organisations including income tax treatments; respectfully and loudly request equal time for Pastafarian prayers, Pastafarian greetings, readings, rights to wear our religious headgear (the colander) in all official and unofficial photos and documents so long as any religion or culture is granted this right) ;
- disciplines and methods beneficial to the wider community of Sentient Beings;
- relieving poverty, and advancing education through science and other trying to influence change by raising awareness of social issues, by lobbying to change the laws and practices where they are contrary to any of these Universal Ethical Principles;
- respectfully requesting that our CFSM representatives, symbols and stories of the Flying Spaghetti Monster be offered, published and acknowledged alongside any other religions by New Zealand government-supported activities (such as holidays, holy days, government sponsored services, buildings, ceremonies, public sporting events, etc.)
- obtaining the same treatment and respect for all religions and cultures – best achieved by the complete separation of all religions’ and cultures’ activities and beliefs from the state and public events whose main purpose is not religious worship (e.g. sporting events, arts and cultural events and exhibitions, festivals, concerts, opening of Parliament, etc.).
I look forward to the day when reason no longer needs to be justified for decisions and supernatural myth making is reserved for fiction. Grant Palmer, 2016
- Ramendan: A month of sacrifice during which Pastafarians eat only pasta and ramen (noodle) dishes after sundown washed down by wine or beer. Start and end dates vary from year to year.
- Pastover: Pastafarians enjoy a feast of pasta, dress as pirates, and participate in a ritual passing of the eye patch. Date varies from year to year; usually in March or April.
- Talk Like a Pirate Day (September 19th): Self-explanatory. Pirate costumes are recommended but not required because nothing is required although wearing a colander or pirate gear is a sign of respect and deserves a “Yarrrrrr!”
- Halloween (October 31st): Pastafarians are obliged to dress like pirates.
- “Holiday:” Pastafarians celebrate a vaguely defined St Nicholas-like event in late December (no specific date is given by the church) any way they like, but especially with pasta, pirates, wine and beer. Presents exchange optional – but always fun especially when the presents are humourous.
- Every Friday: Friday is the weekly Holiday day for Pastafarians. Pastafarians usually celebrate by sharing pasta, breaking bread, and toasting, boasting and story-telling with local fermented beverages and judicious use of natural flora.
- 12 October International Pastafarian Headgear Day in honour of Niko Alm, Austrian and first to get drivers license with our religious headgear.
- 25 May International Towel Day – in honour of Douglas Adams who has been nominated for Sainthood (along with Christoher Hitchens).